she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
