Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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