There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
50% drunk capacity currently
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize