a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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