i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
