I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
