Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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