I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
