4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
