Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
how drunk are you?
Several
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
