I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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