idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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