happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
