I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
