I cannot find my penis.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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