I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
