So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
