I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
