I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
