everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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