OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
