I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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