whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
