Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
