so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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