dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
