Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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