I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
