If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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