I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
