I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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