He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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