Your face is a jimmy john
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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