think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
