walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
