I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
