i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
