Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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