I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
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Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
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I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend