The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Randomize
