did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.