Texts From Last Night

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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I think my fart just growled at me.

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  (203): I think my fart just growled at me. http://tfl.nu/gjsq
  Replies (7) Good night (1081) Bad night (2196)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.

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  (301): you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop. http://tfl.nu/0o9n
  Replies (19) Good night (7152) Bad night (687)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.

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  (412): Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well. (1-412): Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel. http://tfl.nu/ymay
  Replies (5) Good night (669) Bad night (2098)
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  (432): View more from Texas

  I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?

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  (432): I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!? http://tfl.nu/8eh6
  Replies (21) Good night (713) Bad night (5016)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless

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  (812): Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless http://tfl.nu/jzwl
  Replies (106) Good night (11774) Bad night (1343)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Wasn't she moving abroad?

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Are you really going to debate this?

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  (419): She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye (319): Wasn't she moving abroad? (419): Are you really going to debate this? http://tfl.nu/djv0
  Replies (85) Good night (1615) Bad night (5525)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan

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  (815): Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan http://tfl.nu/827h
  Replies (20) Good night (7935) Bad night (1581)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?

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  (843): I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome? http://tfl.nu/1lt0
  Replies (23) Good night (1450) Bad night (6959)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.

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  (586): I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver. http://tfl.nu/zb2m
  Replies (1) Good night (2053) Bad night (788)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore

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  (678): I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore http://tfl.nu/ro2x
  Replies (5) Good night (1410) Bad night (941)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl

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  (813): Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl http://tfl.nu/zwmh
  Replies (15) Good night (686) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.

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  (609): The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit. http://tfl.nu/al9k
  Replies (6) Good night (464) Bad night (1245)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.

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  (801): Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype. http://tfl.nu/layx
  Replies (4) Good night (819) Bad night (472)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you

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  (201): Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting (978): In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you http://tfl.nu/ucjj
  Replies (5) Good night (766) Bad night (510)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?

  (334): View more from Alabama

  Oh we're gynecologists

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  (334): Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween? (334): Oh we're gynecologists http://tfl.nu/xv3o
  Replies (2) Good night (605) Bad night (246)

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