I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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