NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
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I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked