mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
