I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
