gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I want her autograph on my taint
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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