i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize