some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
