I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
