Someone shit on the floor
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
