I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
