They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
