those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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