she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
