we're chasing vodka with high fives
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
