Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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