wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
