the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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