using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
