hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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