For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I touched a dick in church today
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
