I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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