I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
