she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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