What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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