College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
