u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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