He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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