the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
