This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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