I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
