She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
