just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize