Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
