How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
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you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
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She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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