she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
